Where I Am Right Now (rant numbero uno)
After existing in a Bart Simpson-like zen for my early teen years, it’s actually somewhat surprising for me to find myself where I am now. I guess I always figured I’d take life like it comes, somewhat like hanging on to a train while cruising the world. Never thought I’d find myself tied to the tracks in dreadful anticipation of one to come; not knowing whether to be scared or call a cab. Now I’m 18, a high school graduate clueless about the next step. I should have known it’d come to this.
I want to go to art school but the cost is insane and it’s going to take a lot of persuading to get me to take out a loan at this time. Federal aid isn’t looking so good either since apparently Uncle Sam doesn’t want to help out those people who are paying taxes but don’t support the whole global policing idea. Can’t say that I blame him. An empire has to survive somehow.
I’m standing on the brink right now of a lot of options and a lot of futures that are in my power to manipulate. I’m dealing with emotions and my past and things that are more complicated than I thought at first.
Anything has to be better than the monotony of the job I’m at now though. I’m tired of working til dark and then taking care of freelance stuff.
I don’t have any time any more for photography or drawing or poetry. I can’t remember the last time I read a book. I only have 16 rolls of film that still need scanned.
I seriously need a time where I can get to know myself again. I don’t even know the person I am now and what I’m capable of and what I love. I’m living off my past and the message is finally getting across to my slow mind that that day is over.
A time where I can get away from everything. I just want to remember it all.
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