I have eleven drafts in ecto that I never published either because I never finished writing them or I didn’t feel comfortable making them public once I was finished.

I don’t feel like tackling any of those subjects right now, so I’ll give a quick life update. Yes, I am done with school, and yes, it felt amazing walking out those walls of mortar a free man. Graduation was nothing spectacular, just a regular ceremony which we commenced with a harmony of screams reminiscent of a Showbread song intro. Awesome.

It’s weird saying goodbye to that era of my life, yet it’s not as if it was a gradual goodbye decision. It was like a heavy door slammed in my face. Suddenly here I am back home surrounded by people I love yet still feeling somewhat like a stranger in my own world. But the reality I just left is over–over so clearly that it almost seems as if it never existed. Like I said, a door slammed shut. It’s over.

The future seems nonexistent, as if it’s out there somewhere but it’ll never really arrive. I’m stuck in the now which looks like a dreary brown line leading nowhere but always plodding on. Stuck by a gray carpet.

I seem dead to myself and almost everyone these days. Maybe I’ll wake up next week, when I’m heading to El Salvador for almost a month.

the new era

trashbags too big to fill
thrown together at last for real
no longer relegated to a backburner
but now serving their purpose
an end to an era.

what is it that begs
to be cried about?
so much talk yet not for long
we seldom wait before we sleep
and look sharp and slowly then.

careful, careful. the writing’s on the wall
the hands are at the top.
this road is still fresh with old tears
mine, yet not mine.
nonexistent in my recent memory
sealed by fate.
lost in love.